Lockdown Diaries

Day 1:

Half way through day one and I’ve already disabled Instagram. The presidential election has left me angry, anxious and overwhelmed, so I figure it’s best to step away for a bit. I’m extremely lucky to live 5 minutes from a park which used to be an estate, and a walk there on my lunch break helps to clear my head.

Day 2:

Fox in my parents garden (sent via my Dad)

Of course, the first thing I do when I wake up is enable Instagram! Decide not to beat myself up about this and just get on with the day.

The evening welcomes the first of what I’m hoping wont be many Zooms. A chaotic celebration for my partners nieces birthday. I am left for most of the call whilst Ryan and a mechanic are trying to sort out his car battery, to then have to force him back inside so his mum can get a group picture.

Day 3:

Discover a cute bakery just round the corner from the house (only took me 8 months). To kill time after, I walk to one of the furthest supermarkets for groceries and am rewarded with Ben & Jerry’s being on offer for £1.99 a tub.

Start doing yoga but it makes me feel more sleepy than I already do, so I switch to a Chloe Ting workout. Spend most of the 15 minuet session cursing and look like a raspberry for a good 45 minuets after, but weirdly don’t feel sleepy anymore.

2020 finally does something right – BIDEN WINS THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION!!! Celebrate with Strictly Come Dancing movie week and a GU salted caramel chocolate mousse.

Day 4:

I always get to the end of the week now and feel completely drained. Doesn’t seem to make a difference with how much I do or don’t do throughout the week. The most I manage to do today is make a veggie toad in the hole with red onion gravy. Suddenly it’s 9pm and I wonder where the day went.

Day 5:

A change of scenery, working from the office today. Feels a bit like working after an apocalypse – though I extremely grateful to have a job that is secure and that I really enjoy.

Day 7:

Start my day on the toilet, completely naked, dripping in sweat. It’s the worst IBS flare up i’ve had in a while. Anyone else who has experience IBS will understand how draining a flare up is and after, still experiencing cramps, I need to sleep it off.

Ryan tries to wake me at 8.30 am so that I can make my morning meeting at 9, and only have to work an extra hour. I am out for the count. Later, the vivid dreams start. The one’s where I think that I have got up and out of bed, started my day, only to end up lying back in bed, asleep. At one point I am screaming at Ryan – “Help me. I can’t wake up. Help me!” Then I think i’ve wet the bed (I haven’t). I finally wake up at 10.30 am, feeling panicked, groggy and disorientated.

Sleep paralysis isn’t new to me, but I’ve never experienced it to this scale. This time it was just plain scary. The whole thing probably only lasted a few minutes but it felt like I was fighting to wake up for at least an hour.

Call my manager in a panic who is amazing and calmly tells me that what I have been through this morning is pretty traumatic and puts me on a sick day. Goes without saying that I have never been late for work and I feel so grateful to have such a supportive boss.

Freak out a few friends when messaging them to check that I’m not in dream world anymore. It takes me a few hours to be sure that I won’t suddenly still be in bed, fighting with myself to wake up.

Still freaked out, I go for a long walk. Figure that fresh air will help me realise that this is real. My dad calls me and we have a lovely catch up, making plans to zoom whilst we watch Bake Off next week.

Day 8:

One week down and I feel so much better today. It’s nice not to wake up in a panic dashing for the loo! Refreshed after yesterday, I have a productive day of work.

Day 9:

Frazzled after a day of non stop work, I manage to get a walk in before it gets too dark outside. Finish the final series of New Girl and make a start on series 8 of Modern Family.

Then I’m aimlessly scrolling through Netflix, adding to my to watch list. Too tired to focus on The Queens Gambit and have filled my quota of Sitcoms for the day, I venture upstairs and pull out my scrap book. Would I have previously spent Friday nights getting crafty? Probably not, however then I can’t remember what pre-pandemic Friday evenings were like.

Day 10:

The weather outside is truly frightful. It’s so dark and stormy, which means it’s a day for snuggling up on the sofa, Netflixing and crafting.

This lockdown we’ve decided to try out eateries closest to us for our weekly takeaway. This week is pizza and we are both pleasantly surprised by how cheap and tasty it is.

Strictly gets me so hyped, I am jumping off the sofa. The weekly tears start when Clara Amfo finally gets high praise from the judges.

End the day Zooming chums and playing virtual games. It’s so much fun and we don’t stop till gone 11. I can’t remember the last time I was up this late!

Day 11:

Finally start watching Big Little Lies (I know, extremely late to the party). I am instantly hooked. Two episodes down, I realise I haven’t reached for my phone once and i’ve barely moved. Ryan starts watching from episode two and also really loves it. Which is an issue because now I cant just binge it, I have to wait and watch it with him.

Day 12:

Work is keeping me busy. So busy that I almost forget to stop and take a lunch break. The desperation for movement (this is new!) forces me away from the screen. Enjoy having more freedom on my lunch breaks – I would have never gone to a workout class during work before – YouTube is giving me the choice to do workouts when I want. It’s nice doing them at my own pace and not feeling any pressure when I have to pause.

The cookie dough I made the night before is now solid. Chose to try out making brown butter cookies, which have turned into a lot more hassle than regular cookies and i’m left wondering why I bothered. That is until I get them out of the oven and they are delicious.

Day 13:

Feel like I could sleep for days. So tired of being tired.

Kind of get live watching to work with my Dad whilst watching Bake Off. We have to mute and then do catch ups on the ad breaks but it’s funny using facial expressions to communicate whilst watching.

Just over two weeks left of lockdown now…

9 Comments

  1. This will be nice to look back on in the future, even the moments that weren’t so great. I’m also watching Bake Off – it’s a really comforting show to watch amidst everything going on 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s funny how people not living in the States have been so invested in the elections – like you and I!
    A fox in the garden? That is so cool!
    I can’t believe we don’t have Ben and Jerry in India yet. 😭
    Modern Family is ♥️. I miss that show.
    Big Little Lies is an amazing show. But I don’t think I’d be able to watch it this time when I’m so stressed and anxious. 🙈

    I’ve been having issues with sleep too to the extend that I think I’ve developed a phobia to sleeping. 🙈 This year has just been so bad for all our mental health. 😓 But I’m hopeful for things to go back to normal. Can’t wait for Pfizer and Moderna vaccinations to do their magic. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think it’s because it has such a huge effect on the whole world, not just the USA.
      Yeah get lots of foxes in the UK 🦊
      Wahhhh, that is madness! I am so sorry that you are missing out on the best icecream in the world! We’ll have to get a petition going!! 🍨
      That is understandable, it is a lot.
      Sorry to hear that you’ve been having trouble with sleep. This year has been such a mess! 🤞vaccines come in soon xxx

      Like

  3. Beautiful pictures with this post…

    The day you described the IBS flare up and sleep paralysis…
    hit me quite deep.

    Been struggling lately with a range of freaky symptoms (some of them quite migrainey) which I know may well be largely stress…

    But leaving me lost and scared and (given lockdown scenario) very alone… and reading some of your awful days, as written from the other side, has kinda helped.

    So thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sorry you’ve been struggling with different symptoms, like migraines. Going through a pandemic is really tough. Hope you are finding moments to be kind to yourself and do something you enjoy. I’m happy to hear that this post hoped, even if it was only in a small way xx

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I was really interested in this, Imi. You write well. You’ve achieved a really good balance between the ordinary day to day, hooks into things we can all relate to (GBBO) and insights into your struggles. I could have carried on reading. As someone who doesn’t particularly suffer with my mental health I find what you have to say so informative. And loved the photos!

    Liked by 1 person

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